how to take the fun out of (pre)marriage


So we ordered save-the-dates for our 2011 nuptials yesterday. We are not engaged, we just set the date and reserved the venue and reception spaces and commissioned a needle-felted cake topper and now actually ordered save-the-dates.

Rob and I happened to be out to dinner a few weeks and happened to talk about wedding stuff because after some Discussion, it was on my mind and I knew he had finally been ring shopping. Anyway, we realized exactly what we wanted in a wedding and exactly how to do it and I became, let’s say slightly, neurotic about would the space be available for 11/11/11, ie our day. By the time we both had talked about it and I had gotten a little excited about it, it was already 11:45 at night and too late to call the inn to figure out why that time was already blocked out on their online calendar. So, let’s say slight, panic ensued but I managed to go to bed. The next day we found that the inn was closed and absolutely inflexible for those dates. We talked about 9/10/11 – at least the weather would be nicer and I could have lived with it BUT THEN Rob was struck with genius and asked about me about 11/22/11 WHICH I HAD NEVER EVEN CONSIDERED and I replied to his email to confirm that I would be just as happy with that day [“YOU MOTHERFUCKING GENIUS THIS IS WHY I FUCKING LOVE YOU.” were the exact words I used, actually] so, our new day.

Meanwhile, we are not engaged but agreed to put down a deposit as soon as possible to make sure we have the inn to ourselves on the appropriate days which happen to be right before Thanksgiving. It makes sense. We know we are getting married then. But after much consideration of the feminist implications of engagement rings, I also still wanted a ring. And Rob wanted (wants) to give me one. And he wants to propose in some meaningful way which I’m afraid I am making more and more impossible for him by the day.

I am trying to keep the planning to myself (with varying success) and even then I have the urge to just stop all together and keep my pants on and just wait until it’s official but I can’t because my brain is working out all the details and logistics and just general awesome ideas almost constantly, and then there is the concern about booking things which started all this madness. Once I’ve decided what I want I need to know that it’s secured. (If the internet had not been completely down at work all night I would be emailing the Camden Deli to try and reserve their space for the “reception.”) In fact, my master plan is just finalize as much as possible in the next few months and then be able to table it all until maybe a month before hand. I do not need to plan this damn thing for a year…whether I am engaged or not.

To the extent that it is humanly possible, when, let’s say if just for fun, there is a wedding, it will be intimate, it will be fun, it will be feminist, it will be secular, and the closest we are going to get to a theme is “stuff that we like.” So, because it is going to be so frickin awesome and because other reasons, I don’t want to stop thinking about it right now.