“here it comes, that heavy love”


Going to see The Mountain Goats and Bright Eyes this evening, with THE EX. Should have been going with an old friend too, and still have the extra ticket, but she has been absent in every sense of the word for months (actually longer) and this is, of course, a time when I have needed friends a whole bunch.

And the whole friend concept has been weighing on me lately because the man I wanted to raise a child with is now THE EX and it’s a totally new and uncomfortable experience for me to even have one of those, let alone negotiate a relationship with one. I’m trying to be mature and civil and emotionally smart about it and all that crap. It’s whatever.

But anyway, I found a place to live. An affordable, safe place to live. It is nothing short of a miracle. After some disappointments, and some hoarding of ramen noodles, I saw a craigslist listing that sounded pretty frickin sweet and not only was it pretty frickin sweet in reality, it all fell into place incredibly easily. This is historic because in a few weeks I’ll have a roommate (and a half) and it seems that I actually like her as a person. It was more than I hoped for, when I realized I could never afford an apartment of my own.

I’ve continued to receive self-esteem boosts from all kinds of places. The buzz around my charming, unprofessional workplace is that I’m going to be recognized with an award soon, so that’s cool. And you know, the cats love me.

I’m hoping to bring Hamlet with me to the new place, if the resident cat will tolerate him, by the way. I’m trying not to think too much about leaving the other two. It’s really not fair. Life’s not fair and all that but…man. I’ve accepted that this change is good for me and in the end, I’ll be better off. But it sucks.