please buy my motherfucking wedding dress, somebody

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It’s beautiful. Brand new. A steal. And it’s been sitting in my would-have-been-in-law’s basement for over a year, waiting to be sold for half of that time. It is the only material property that we have left between us and so needs to get sold. (I really wish I had my kitten with me, I should have fought that fight, but there’s nothingIcandoaboutthatnow and, otherwise, everything in that condo could burn down and I wouldn’t care.)

See, (if I believed in him) I (would) praise Jesus that I did not get married (to this particular individual). Sometime around November, I turned a corner. I settled into this new life and accepted, even appreciated, the whole break up fiasco.

No longer am I: brokenhearted, sad, wounded, or at all surprised by his insensitivity/general disregard for me.

The only feelings he inspires in me now, stated with confidence after just recently being exposed to said individual, are: blinding rage (my face actually turned a different color), annoyance, and mild to moderate insecurity (insofar as I really hate for people to exist in the world who dislike me and I am bothered by the fact that someone who knew me so well has seemingly not expressed a favorable opinion of me since 2010).

Look, I would have liked to have had a healthy break and maintained some semblance of a friendship. I thought with time that it might have been possible. Other people have managed to do that after all but OH I WAS SO NAIVE.

I don’t wish bad things for him (though I certainly spent time in the past doing that) and so I’m a tiny bit proud of myself. His life and happiness don’t make my life and happiness less (though it’s one thing to know that intellectually and another to feel it). I think the insecurity will fade through meditation and continued reassurances from my loved ones that I’m not Godzilla. I don’t get angry very much now, so the rage isn’t too inconvenient of a thing to deal with.

No worries. Just, internet, please buy a dress so that I don’t have this unfinished business out there in the world. It’s really very nice. And probably not infected with bitterness and disappointment.

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