I had a great day. It was beautiful outside and I went for a long walk downtown with a dear friend and, probably because I am hard to get rid of, stayed and ate dinner too.
I’m trying to be mindful and appreciate every day like this where the weather is mild and the sun is back and it makes me happy. Because, as I was painfully reminded by Alec Baldwin as we watched Frozen Planet tonight, nature is cruel. I am so good at absorbing sadness, I like to think I’m equally likely to pick up joy. I do find pleasure in all kinds of things. I do laugh a hell of a lot.
But I’m cynical and acerbic. I worry.
I want to be somebody who makes the world brighter and my god that is so cheesy but I mean it. It’s my entire purpose in life, wanting to feel like I’m doing something, making my tiny contribution to earth a positive one.
So I’ve been trying to work on how I am perceived. I don’t want to seem negative and critical because, though I sure enjoy judging, I’m not a hateful person. I don’t have ill will toward people. I think I need to adjust my filter and reserve my stream-of-consciousness comments for people who know my heart.
And I’m rambling but it’s late and whatever and such.