adventures in gynecology

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I am someone who has always known I don’t want to be pregnant. Always. I have seen friends and family members be pregnant. I’ve seen someone in labor. I’ve seen several episodes of A Baby Story. I’ve had a terrifying pregnancy scare, or two. I’ve appreciated how magnificent the process of human development is.

I like children, I like babies. And I’m pretty convinced I would be a good mother. I think that’s why people have been surprised when I explain that I’m not certain I’ll ever chose to parent, and that if I do it won’t be a biological child. (I mean beyond the basic surprise every random person seems to have when they hear that a lady my age with presumably-functioning lady parts would not have the urge to procreate. But you’re a woman!)

It’s not like I have not considered it. I have thought of every angle. And I haven’t ruled out parenthood, though I would need a lot of things to add up before I would go down that road. I can absolutely rule out the biological piece, though. So what if my feelings about pregnancy could change and I could get through a pregnancy and be ok? It’s not a necessary part of life, for me.

So I’m taking steps to surgical sterilization (or in other words, shutting me’ tubes down). In the worst case scenario, I have the procedure and regret it someday. Highly unlikely. And also, so what? Tough cookies. I’ll be left with the option to adopt which is what for 26 years of my life I have considered the best ethical and personal choice for me anyway.

I have also considered being a foster parent in the future. I know that I could do it, just like adopting a fresh baby from another person’s womb, just not 100% sure I should do it. If I ever decide that I want a child of my own, I will still be able to have one, and it will be no less precious than growing one from scratch. In all seriousness, that will not happen unless I have resources AND feel ready and able to totally dedicate my future to another being.

You know, miracle of life and all that jazz, I get it. I think I get why most people or many people seem to have the drive to procreate. I have long imagined how good-looking a baby I would make. My best friend is an incredibly, disgustingly attractive man and if we combined our powers…my god. I’m like a super genius, despite somewhat questionable heredity, so I think odds are good my kid would rock pretty hard. But yes, it’s a very powerful thing to create a life.

I’m ok not creating a life. Especially when I think that instead I could maybe change a tiny person’s existing life. Or when I think that I could stick to being The World’s Most Kick Ass but Also Nurturing Auntie and have loads more freedom and discretionary income than I would as a parent.

I am going to continue to mull my birth control options over, now that I’m so close to taking the final step but essentially what I’m thinking is, let’s tie those puppies (fallopian tubes) up!

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