I hate people dying.
I hate that it’s always a surprise.
I hate the agony of losing someone close to me (thankfully, not this time).
I hate the nagging guilt and discomfort of losing someone who should have taken up more space in my life.
I hate looking at a Facebook profile full of posted messages to the deceased. We r goin to miss you R.I.P and miss and love you always. What the everliving fuck? I can’t wrap my head around the concept, or if I can, I know that my perspective is so harsh and nasty and judgmental that I hate myself for having it.
#itshouldhavebeenme! as my brother joked.
Believe me, I know I don’t get to say how other people should grieve. And the further away I am from the loss, the more I should keep my damn mouth shut.
Being far away makes a person feel alone. Though it’s very clear to me tonight, I could have much worse problems.