we are both ok


The last 24 hours have been emotionally action-packed. Hamlet always vomits. His whole life he’s had occasions where he will barf a few times a week for a month and then be fine. Maybe he thinks he’s leaving his loved ones a gastrointestinal gift, I don’t know. Anyway, for almost two weeks there has been at least one barf a day and even though his behavior hadn’t changed, I was started to get worried. So I don’t want to get into the intricacies of cat vomit but my roommate and I both noticed last evening that the piles were more disturbing and there were way too many of them. I Googled a lot and was comforted by the fact that Hamlet was in a perfectly normal mood, but I called the vet and ended up taking him in, just in case.

$407.27 for them to make sure that he was fine (unblocked intestines and not poisoned by the Easter Bunny)  and to send him home with a diagnosis of gastroenteritis, having been re-hydrated and x-rayed and all that jazz.

I came home, relieved about Hamlet but nearing a panic attack over the bill that I had numbly paid with a check. I was A Mess and it sucked because my roommate surely wanted to know about the cat but I couldn’t speak like a sane person and instead had to immediately go into my room, lock the door and turn the volume up on my TV so that I could cry a whole lot into my pillow (middle school memories!) and start to breathe again and then explain that everything was fine. It’s overwhelming to have to pay someone $400 out of nowhere, probably for anyone, but for me it’s just…a huge amount of money.

I had to get cash into my bank account today because the alternatives were/are unacceptable to me – get money from my brother (at least that much) and pay him back in a month when I get an expected bonus stipend at work, ask a friend, bounce a check AND then not make rent. Be an entire $400 behind or ask people who love me to financially support me. The one thing that I could do and that seemed like a prudent solution was to sell my not-engagement ring, which I did.

I had considered selling it months ago, because as pretty as it was and as much as I enjoyed it, I couldn’t exactly make use of it, but it seemed like a real shame how much value was lost in selling jewelry. I decided to hang onto it and maybe use it for an emergency. Sorry, Suze Orman, I don’t have 6-8 months of income saved like I know I am really supposed to. So, that’s what I did. (And, yes, I did not buy this ring, but I kept it because I was not the breaker of the engagement and it had been given to me and it didn’t feel wrong or unkind not to give it back.)

Hamlet is ok, seems like he is already keeping food down, but I had to make sure he was ok and he had to go to the stupid vet because as owner/pet we have an implied contract that I will do my best to keep him alive and he will continue to be my loyal furry companion.

Even before all the $$$$, I was a little emotional because I thought, of all things in my life that I like and that make me feel ok, I would be devastated the most by losing my cat. I mean, people aside. Having Hamlet around will never really be as emotionally fulfilling as another friendship or romantic entanglement, but what we have must be the purest relationship a person can have, seriously. We have an unconditional mutual affection. Even stepping in a (what ended up being $400) really unpleasant puddle of vomit yesterday doesn’t diminish my positive regard for this creature.

He’s precious. The ring was just shiny.


bachelor pad


One year ago today:

Danielle Van Dusen is engaged.

Thanks, Facebook. And oh well.

The hurricane was underwhelming here, though we did lose power yesterday. I got home from work early today, spent my afternoon lounging on my couchbed, petting my sleepy cat and using the computer. Now I’m eating a freshly-delivered pizza, also while sitting on the couchbed. (It was delivered 19 minutes after I ordered it online, which I have to admit I find incredibly exciting.) I can’t really complain.



Well. I might as well start here since I have been absent from livejournal for months and opened this account long before that. Most likely I wouldn’t even bother except that I’m working and there isn’t a lot to keep me alert let alone occupied at 3:45 in the morning. I always find it a little sad when I don’t blog but I have been very busy and mostly happy for quite awhile so it’s not too much of a surprise that I haven’t. I do wish I had a little more of a record of the last year or so. I don’t write in a paper journal and I popped my scrapbooking cherry last January but haven’t completed one since. Not that my entire life is a collection of unfinished projects and loose ends!

Seriously, my life has been so good. I am working part time now at the job that I left in February but in a different, awake all night position, while I job search and recover from back surgery (a discectomy performed about two weeks ago). And because of complications from the job I recently had to leave in order to have the surgery, health insurance is again kind of a mess. What I wish I had realized a long time ago, is that my boyfriend’s company considers me his domestic partner. So, perfect, insurance. Except IBM up and bought his company and they are in a transition period. IBM does not consider me a domestic partner so soon, and no idea how soon, no insurance. There will be bills for deductibles but at least I have been covered. And I’m finally getting a root canal, after almost a year of favoring one side of my mouth, that will be partially covered. I am just healing and walking as far as my back goes but I will need to start physical therapy toward the end of August. So…yeah, lots and lots of medical bills that my amazing domestic partner and/or boyfriend will have the burden of paying. We can swing it. Or, more honestly, he can. It doesn’t help my sense of self or neurosis that I am not financially independent but I am lucky. We have been shacking up for nearly two years now and we have become a family. Money for ridiculous deductibles or no, I am lucky.

I continue to be in love which is why I was not sarcastic in saying life has been good. Plus, I feel so much better physically since all my discs are unherniated. My memories of post-op discomfort during the first week have been blurred by oxycodone, and now I am relatively functional. That is, no lifting or bending, but fewer sound effects involved in everyday movements. I was, again, much assisted by my life partner. He says that he doesn’t think much about all the help he’s given me because I’ll be changing his diapers when he’s 80 and it all evens out. Pretty sure he said it in a more romantic, delicate way. Though that is the way I would expect any mature, loving person to act in a relationship such as ours, I’m grateful. He doesn’t have to be decent and he has truly gone above and beyond, anyhow. He watched Bethenny Getting Married? and procured many random snack foods at odd hours. He also helped change my socks and didn’t shame me for going five days without showering. He continues to do household chores that aren’t easy for me, including the litter boxes which are being littered in by no less than five cats. Well, four and a half. We are taking care of a friend’s two adult cats but I sort of spent too many days in a row visiting animal shelters and we adopted a new kitten. She’s cute too, Willy Wijacks. She has mutant feet and is now about three months old. I will update with an obnoxious amount of pictures, obviously, at a later date. She has been great company, as have our guest cats for the most part.

It seems things are not crazy different from where I left them. Change of job, resolution of back issues, crazy cat lady. I think that’s all the important stuff.