linky

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I love this blogger. I relate to this “sexcalator” syndrome and the perspective on this is something I’m trying to take to heart.

When Crazy Cupid Love posted this, it was also exactly at the right time. I was bummed about this one fellow. Then I wasn’t bummed about him. Then I had sex with him twice this week. The cycle is destined to repeat, I’m sure. Why must I be so attracted to men who say nice things I suspect they don’t mean? “I miss you, btw” is the secret code you need to email me, and I will surely allow you into my pants.

1. = A 7-foot wide house I would kill to live in. Neat!

I’m only at 61.1%. When one particular person gets fired, it will jump to 72%. I’m 65% confident that the firing will happen.

Stair porn is one of the best things in my reader. I guess I’m into architecture. I want to build a tiny house with sexy stairs.

Sometimes, when awesome ideas present themselves, I kinda want to get married.

I am partial to mini-schnauzers, and of course scraggly mixed breeds, but this breed of dog reminds me of Sprocket from Fraggle Rock and I want one.

No.

I want to a life where this kind of grand romance happens.

This doesn’t really counteract your above daily “police shoot someone for no fucking reason” news, but it is quite delightful.

I’m always looking for new charitable work!

I want either an adorable dog or a little girl I can corrupt into a lifelong feminist. Adorable.

Hey, have we traveled back in time 6 years? I am currently supposed to be writing a paper that should have been done earlier this week rather than updating my emo blog.

weekending

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This is a wonderful concept for a website and I love what I’ve read so far, especially this one (heh) and this one. I’m really amazed by how people around my age sometimes relate to world. A lot of vague, emo, ask me what’s wrong Facebook statuses and relationship melodramas that I would have hoped were left in high school.

But don’t mind me, I’m sort of overly proud of myself lately I guess. For staying away from pointless arguments with people who don’t matter. For making and keeping the new apartment nice (read: clean). For being more comfortable at work. There’s been a noticeable change in the way clients interact with me and I think it’s a result of me being more confident.

I don’t seem to have much to write lately, so I haven’t. I just came out of two or three weeks where my downtime consisted of lazy lay-about-the-house behavior. I didn’t notice how drained I was feeling until I wasn’t and I realize now a big chunk of it was all the anxiety I was hoarding leading up to the election.

So I waited in line at my new polling place for an hour and a half Tuesday and attempted to stay up past my bedtime (9:30pm) to confirm for myself that the world is a safe and reasonable place but I failed and had an unsettling dream where I was trying to help my brother with his unexpected pregnancy instead.

time machine

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I read many an advice column. I love them, I don’t know why, though the advice is mostly predictable. File this first question under Things That Make You Go  “Really?!”

Women can not win. It’s not enough that this *gasp*unwed lady decided to carry a pregnancy to term, because it’s like TEH CHILDREN will learn all about how even ladies without rings on their fingers can grow babies, but being innocent and not assholes, TEH CHILDREN might assume it’s OK to be a single mother and then they will all go out and get pregnant! So, the only acceptable thing for this young woman to do, short of resigning in shame, is to have never had sex in the first place. The thing is, I’m sure the letter writer wholeheartedly supports that premise, that the biggest place women go wrong in the whole reproductive hootenanny is that they have the audacity to be sexual. Sex is dirty and we should all resist anything that makes our bodies tingle or our minds stray from thoughts of cute cats on the internet. Which would be fine if human beings weren’t innately sexual beings.

It’s not charming, those attitudes and judgments but, I’m not getting hung up on it because I also discovered this. I do love me some old timey sexism. From 1923, a time when rules about how to be a good woman were published and eagerly consumed by the general public; that would never fly in these modern times. Well whatever, let’s see how I measure up!

Don’t be extravagant. Nothing appeals more strongly to a man than the prospect of economic independence.

I stopped grocery shopping six months ago. Does that count as being frugal? (Seriously though, while I totally understand that my current salary must be terrifying to future potential partners, I’m quite proud of the fact that I am surviving and supporting myself on it.)

Keep your home clean. Nothing is more refreshing to the eyes of the tired, nerve-racked worker than the sight of a well-tidied home.

Let’s not discuss whether or not my home is currently tidy.

Do not permit your person to become unattractive. A slovenly wife makes a truant husband.

I shave my legs, armpits, and sometimes other parts. I try and smell nice. I brush my teeth on a regular basis. Let’s call that good enough!

Do not receive attention from other men. Husbands are often jealous and some are suspicious without cause. Do not supply the cause. Friendly attentions from others may be received in a spirit of perfect innocence. When reported by the busy-body they become distorted, often criminal.

Indeed, I recognize that someone giving me attention (or not) is totally under my control and thus I am responsible for his behavior. Fair. But I do receive “friendly attentions” from a lot of the intellectually disabled people I work with. So any husband of mine will rightly assume I’m an incredible whore.

Do not resent reasonable discipline of children by their father. Mothers should not assume that all chastisement of a child by his father is severe and unjustifiable.

Oh right, I’m female, put on earth for baby-making and such. That’s going to be a problem…

Do not spend too much time with your mother. You may easily, in such a way, spend too little time at home.

Hmm, The reason I don’t spend enough time at home cleaning and domesticating is not really related to visiting my mom. If anything, she would be a good influence on my marriageability.

Do not accept advice from neighbors, or even stress too greatly that of your own family. Think for yourself. Have a plan of your own for solution of home problems. In all causes consult freely with your husband.

Don’t ask anyone for advice, think up your own idea to later present to a dude to either get shot down or to receive a loving pat on the head and a yummy wife biscuit. Atta girl! Hmm. I am, truthfully, very easily influenced by the approval of others so I’m doing great on this point.

Do not disparage your husband.

Don’t talk shit about people you love. Ok, that’s fine.

Smile. Be attentive in little things. An indifferent wife is often supplanted by an ardent mistress.

I like these little sayings but the real question is would Indifferent Wife or Ardent Mistress make a better band name?

Be tactful. Be feminine. Men, in the last analysis, are but over-grown children. They do not mind coaxing, but they resent coercion. Femininity attracts and compels them. Masculinity in the females repels.

So many exciting rules in one! I’m tactful. I… have boobs. I don’t employ overt coercion on the average date. The one issue here is that I’m aiming t0o high by expecting men to function as adults. As a non-pedophile, it seems I’m not going to find a fulfilling match in the opposite sex. Alas.

monkey pigeon

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Well, looks like I need to pick up a copy of Time magazine this week. It’s my most favorite of subjects! (In the rest of the world, the cover topic is about something lame and substantive instead of strange animal couplings. Pfft, Europe, who cares? Time sure has America’s number.)

Also, HELLO tiny chameleons I didn’t know I was obsessed with until I knew they existed!

Interesting body politics reading.

“I’m not sure how Cupid decides who will get to fall in love, because there’s this one guy at the library who looks like he could really stand to have some love in his life.” (Made me laugh. The Rumpus is so much fun.)

An article pointing out that marriage hasn’t necessarily been the institution we might think.

 

Meanwhile, an otherwise fun day at work has been colored by some one infecting my car with a horrible stench. Glamorous.

 

Since I am dead inside (or at least doubting my ability to make new romantic connections to people), I’ve decided to save everybody’s time and be totally straightforward about all my things. That is, the stuff that would be my “dirty secrets” were I ashamed of any of it. It just makes sense. I am not a perfect date but I do know who I am and so why not put it out there? If my quirkiness is too intimidating to some one then it’s not likely they are the person for me anyway.

I’m not exactly a conventional person. It’s part of why my inner circle thinks I’m awesome. I need someone at least a little unconventional too. Not shooting for Sid and Nancy or John and Yoko. And I read George Bernard Shaw had a sexless marriage so that’s not exactly the idea but…whatever.

 

cause we need a little christmas (linkage) right this very minute

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– First of all, could Jon Hamm possibly be a more perfect man? NO! He is out of control. (Also, Jon Hamm’s John Ham! Hamm and Buble!)

– I loved the Glee Christmas special. (I want to love every Glee episode but it has been so uneven and on so much crack that it’s hard.) Best moment – “You have rights.”

– Speaking of Christmas, add “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” to the list of songs with disturbing lyrics that tend to go under the radar for some reason. I’m not taking it off my playlist, of course, because I’ve always found it kind of morbidly amusing, but I recently read a comment somewhere about how it’s fine “in the context of when it was written” because it was cute then. So no worries kids,  if the prevailing cultural mores of the time find a certain attitude conscionable, no reason to criticize! It’s cool that your granddad was all “Go make me a sammich, bitch!” to gramma in the 40s because he didn’t know any better.*

– Also speaking of Christmas, THIS THIS A THOUSAND TIMES THIS, only made better by dubbing over clips of my fave Christmas classic. I like to say “Happy Holidays” on our Christmas cards because I want to be an inclusive, conscious person, but whatever floats your boat as long as you aren’t being a smug asshole. But as Jon Stewart points out, this season wouldn’t feel the same anymore without “people going out of their way to be offended by nothing.” And the video teaches children about a sad history where,  “people just plum forgot to be offended by the petty bullshit that superficially divides us.” Love it.

we won't subject her to this annually, though it was sure awesome

*Actually, I don’t have a related link but recently I’ve been thinking about how oldsters tend to get a bit of a free pass for expressing racist/sexist sentiments and it makes some sense but really, at what point does it become unnecessary/pointless to challenge someone’s offensive attitudes. Is it within 10, 20, 30 years of probable death? Then again, don’t I want the freedom to be an asshole when I’m 80? Kinda. (This is purely theoretical, as I haven’t encountered any memorable disgusting comments since working as a cashier at a drug store.)